In Thoughts on Being Well, composer and excellent tweeter Nico Muhly writes about his realisation that haphazard treatment of his mental illness has distanced him from personal and professional satisfaction, and about his subsequent effort to become well. It’s a engagingly-written and insightful reflective essay.
In the closed systems of my own processes, I can run quality control obsessively over everything I do: I can stay up until two in the morning editing clarinet parts, and I can worry about how for that clarinettist, her first experience of my music will be this four page document, I can slice the garlic how it needs to be sliced and I can butcher the meat in the right way for the task at hand. Once I get anybody else involved on any level, though, I expect, unfairly, for them to have spent the same amount of time and energy doing their jobs as I’d done mine, which is to say: expended a violent breath of energy at the thing, continuously, all day, every day. I became angry — and directionlessly choleric, as my body got hot, I sweated, I shook — at the objects that surrounded me.